


Holding On and Letting Go

by goldenkc



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, F/M, Guilt, Sadness, brotp rellamy, get ready for Pain, lowkey au at the end, set during the time jump in 4x13, this is a bunch of short parts so bear with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 7,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenkc/pseuds/goldenkc
Summary: bellamy blake has to learn to survive life without his second half. will he manage it, or slip into insanity? he starts to believe the latter, that is, until he hears a familiar voice over the radio.// aka the scenes we were robbed of and better get in the next season is2g jroth





	1. Day 1

_Clarke Griffin_.

The name floats around in his head so often, Bellamy can't remember a time when she wasn't on his mind.

Every little thing he does reminds him of her. Every laugh he hears makes him miss hers. Every smile he fakes makes him think back to how often she said she was fine when she obviously wasn't. Every breath he takes reminds him that she'll never take another.

Raven, Monty and Murphy keep trying to make him smile. They walk on eggshells around him and watch everything he does, searching for a tipping point.

They've heard him crying at night. More than once, they've woken him up from night terrors while he thrashes in a cold sweat, screaming her name.

He misses his sister, of course he does, but at least he knows she's safe in the bunker with the rest of their people.

But Clarke... he thinks she's dead.

He thinks the love of his life is dead and he never even got to tell her.


	2. Day 2

He has to survive. He _has_ to. For Octavia, for Miller, for Kane, for Abby, for _Clarke_. Not only does he need to see his friends and family again, but he can’t let Clarke’s death be in vain. He refuses to let her death mean nothing if he and the others don’t survive up here.

It’s difficult. So difficult to keep living without her by his side. They fought, sure. But she kept him centered. She kept him sane. She kept him wanting to keep living.

He was all heart, and she was the one making the hard choices for the better of their people. Every time he needs to make a choice, he asks himself what Clarke would have done.

 _That_ is how her memory stays alive. Everything he does, he does in her honour.


	3. Day 19

Day 19, it gets really hard to keep going. Bellamy plants himself in front of the window facing home, Raven sitting beside him.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while. Then they begin to talk about Clarke. Simple things she used to do, funny pet peeves she had, how awful a cook she was.

They share funny stories, and for a moment, Bellamy thinks he can do it. Then they fall silent again. And the pain seeps back in.

All Raven can do is watch as the smile fades from her friend’s face and the tears start to swell in his eyes.

“God, why does this hurt so much?” he asks rhetorically, running his hands down his face, angrily wiping at the tears.

“It’s understandable, Bellamy. You _loved_ her.”

“What--I never said--”

“You didn’t have to,” Raven says, smiling as she drops her hand on his, giving him a light squeeze.

The look on the woman’s face, Bellamy knew there was no point denying it.

“I know what it’s like… to lose someone you cared for that deeply. You were there for me. Now, _I’m_ here for _you_. Whenever you need me--to vent, to cry--I’m _there_. I think you can attest to the fact that I was a mess after Finn died,” she says, giving out a small chuckle. “You’ll be okay. I promise. But until then, I’m here.”

Bellamy sighs, meeting Raven’s eyes and holding her hand right back. “Thank you, Raven.”

“Anytime,” she whispers, standing up. She kisses the top of his head lightly, saying goodbye and that she was off to the control room.

Bellamy stays put a while longer, leaning his head against the window glass. And he falls asleep, his broken planet being the last thing he sees before the lull of sleep becomes too great.


	4. Day 32

Bellamy finds himself in the comfort of an old bottle of scotch. It’s an acquired taste, but there’s barely any alcohol left on this ship, and beggars can’t be choosers.

He’s seated in front of the large window facing Earth, realizing that window ledge has become a second bed to him. He takes another sip before he hears a voice behind him.

“Feel like sharing?”

He turns to see Echo, a small smile on her face. Bellamy moves his legs, letting her sit in front of him on the sill. He offers her the bottle and she takes a swig, wincing as it goes down her throat.

“You okay?” she asks.

Bellamy gives her a mock-glare, “Are you seriously asking me that?”

She chuckles softly, nodding as she says, “Right. Sorry.”

They drink in silence, staring down at the ground. Bellamy lets of a heavy sigh, looking down at the half-empty bottle.

“Wanna talk?” Echo offers.

“No,” he deadpans. “But I’m working on moving on.”

“Maybe, you just need something to take your mind off it,” she says, her voice dropping lower as a hand slides up Bellamy’s thigh.

He pulls back as soon as he feels the movement. “What are you doing?” he demands.

“I was just--”

“Just _what_ , Echo? You think I’ve lost someone and the first thing I’ll do is jump into the arms of someone else?” He forces his anger to subside as he lets out a sigh. He looks her in the eye, seeing her hurt. “I’m sorry. But it’s not going to happen. I can’t.”

“It’s fine, I understand,” Echo says, shaking her head as she stands, leaving him in the quiet once again.

After that exchange, it’s awkward for a few days. Then it’s back to normal. Echo and Bellamy stop avoiding each other, sticking to a mild distrust of each other. For the sake of survival, they _have_ to get along enough to do their regular activities. And that’s what they do.


	5. Day 192

“It’s only been 192 days, why can’t I _remember_?!” Bellamy groans, slamming his fist against the window.

Raven happens to be walking by and stops to ask him what he can’t remember.

“Her eyes, Raven,” he says, his voice practically screaming pain. “Why can’t I remember the colour of her eyes?” he whispers, sliding his back down the window until he hits the sill. “I can’t remember,” he mutters.

Raven instantly knows who he’s talking about. And she tries her hardest to bring him back from the meltdown surely about to come. “Hey,” she coaxes, putting her hands on the side of his face, forcing him to look at her. “They’re blue. Her eyes were blue.”

“I can’t remember _what_ blue. I used to be able to see them whenever I shut my eyes, but now it’s like they’re gone,” he says, sounding broken. “And her voice, I can’t remember what it sounded like. What song did she used to hum when she did inventory?” His throat lets out a deep sob as he slams his head against his knees. “I can feel her slipping away, Raven.”

She stops for a moment, searching for the right words. “Bellamy, listen to me. She’s not slipping. You’ve got her right there, alright?” she says, resting her hand over his heart. “You aren’t forgetting her. Just think, okay? Think about her voice. What would she tell you to do?”

Bellamy lets out a deep breath, closing his eyes and focusing on Clarke. “She’d tell me to get off my ass and check the algae’s growth progress.”

Raven chuckles, holding back her own tears, hating to see the guy she calls her best friend in so much pain. “That sure sounds like her.”

She leans forward wrapping her arms around him. Bellamy buries his head into her neck, choking back another sob as he holds on tightly.

“Thank you,” he breathes out.

When she pulls back, she smiles, patting him on the shoulder. “You’re welcome. Now get off your ass and go check on the algae’s growth progress.”

He nods, standing and taking a few steps away before turning back. Raven raises a brow and Bellamy asks quietly, “Can you remember her middle name?”

She gives him a sad smile, and says, “It was Elizabeth.”

He nods again, sending her a small wave before walking toward the vegetation wing.


	6. Day 258

It's been eight months and the Earth is still as red as when they first landed on the Ark. Bellamy's got to stay in space for another over four years more before he can see his family again.

He's not as smart as Raven when it comes to technical things, he knows that. But that doesn't stop him from fumbling with the radio every day in front of the big window looking down at their radiated planet.

Raven lent him a set of her tools, knowing Bellamy just needs something--anything--to stay busy with.

Day 258, that's when he hears the static. He thinks he's finally done it. But nothing comes through.

He fumbles with the scanner, searching for any sign of life down there. Hoping to hear his sister's voice again. Hoping the bunker was trying just as hard with their radio as him.

"... _why I keep doing this_..."

It was faint. But it was definitely a voice.

He scrolls one more click, and his heart jumps into his throat.  The voice comes in clear as day, the same voice he never thought he'd hear again.

" _If you haven't answered by now, odds are you never will. But Bellamy... I'm not giving up hope... I never will_."

"Clarke?" he stutters out in the smallest whisper. He nearly drops the mic as he goes to click the button. His hands shake as he holds it down. "Clarke, can you hear me?"

" _I guess it doesn't matter right now. The Earth is completely uninhabitable, what with radiation drowning everything in sight_."

"Clarke! It's me, please tell me you hear me!" he shouts as his voice cracks.

" _I'll try again tomorrow. And the day after and the day after... I'll see you soon, Bellamy_."

"Clarke!!" he shouts as his voice goes hoarse, a couple tears trailing down his cheeks.

Raven heard him screaming, and thought he'd fallen asleep, preparing herself to wake him. But when she sees him wide awake, clutching the radio like a lifeline, she stops.

"What's going on?" she asks quietly.

Bellamy turns to the mechanic, a wide eyed and almost distraught expression on his face as he chokes out, "...She's alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all i have pre-written so far, so please be patient while i come up with more. if there's anything you want to see, please don't hesitate to let me know in the comments. i will gladly take any and all feedback. thanks for reading :)


	7. Day 259

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow guys! thank you so much for the positive feedback on this! i honestly did not expect this kind of response, and i'm so glad everyone's enjoying so far! i've got zero timeline on how long the chapters take, sometimes they just come to me, sometimes i'm sure there will be days without a new chapter. so please be patient, and thanks a bunch for reading up til now :)

“Wait, _alive_?” Murphy repeats skeptically from his chair at the table. “You’re telling me Clarke _survived_ the radiation with no bunker?”

The seven of them sit around a table in the controls room listening to what Bellamy had to say. “I’m telling you, it was her voice,” he says surely. “I just caught the end of her transmission, but she’s out there. Alive. Alone,” he says, the last part quieter than the rest.

Monty and Harper glance at each other, then to Raven, as if they’re all secretly communicating and leaving Bellamy out of it. When they all face him again, Bellamy can’t quite place the look on their faces, but if he had to guess… he’d call it pity.

“What?” he asks, exasperated. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Bellamy...” Monty begins, his voice taking a soft tone, trying to phrase the words delicately. “You've had a rough time, we know that.”

Harper nods, saying, “Yeah, and you've really fixated on that radio lately.”

Murphy sighs, crossing his arms. “They're saying your crazy, Clarke-loving brain made up her voice,” he deadpans, getting a smack in the arm from Emori.

“John!” the woman scolds.

“What? We're all thinking it, right?”

Bellamy looks around the room, noticing that no one is jumping to his defense. He supposes he _should_ understand since he _is_ the only one to have heard her, but that doesn’t make it any easier. “You don't believe me?” he asks aloud, eyes falling on Raven’s. Anyone else’s disbelief he can handle, but not hers.

The brunette shakes her head slowly. “I'm sorry,” she whispers, resting a hand on his shoulder.

He pulls back with a jerk. “No, you know what, it's fine,” he mutters as he looks down at the radio, scooping the pieces into his arms. “I don't think I'd believe me in your shoes either. I'm just gonna…” he trails off, turning around and walking out the way he came in.

“Bellamy,” Raven calls after him, but it was no use, he wasn’t going to turn around.

“Nice, Murphy,” Monty quips.


	8. Day 259 (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look at that, another chapter, be proud of me.

Bellamy sits in front of the window, his head leaning against the glass as he stares down at the ground.

“You’re alive, I _know_ you are,” he whispers to himself.

He sighs, looking down at the radio. He fumbles with Raven’s set of tools, trying to figure out a way to get it not only to _get_ transmissions, but send them out as well.

He hears footsteps coming up behind him and he calls out without turning around, “Raven, I’m fine.”

“Definitely not Raven,” the voice replies.

He turns, facing a friendly smile. “Monty, hey.”

“Are you okay?” When Bellamy lets out a scoff, Monty nods, saying, “Right, stupid question. Can I sit with you?”

Bellamy offers up the empty space beside him on the ledge. Monty sits, quietly, awkwardly, unsure what to say that could make up for how they made Bellamy feel.

“I'm sorry about Murphy, we're trying to make him more civilized, I swear,” Monty says after a while of silence.

Bellamy chuckles lightly, raising a brow. “Good luck with that.”

Monty turns to his friend, speaking in that kind voice he always uses, “About Clarke... I'm really sorry, Bellamy, but the chances of her surviving down there are next to none. I don't think she had time to make it to the bunker and even if she did, she'd run out of resources before she could go outside for more.”

Bellamy sighs, putting down the screwdriver. “I know that, Monty, I do. But I... I _heard_ her. I swear to you, I heard her,” he says, eyes pleading for his friend to believe him. “She said she was going to call in every day, so I'll wait here with the radio until she sends out another message.”

“Then I'll stay with you,” Monty declares, clasping his hands together in his lap. “You know I'm more of a see-it-to-believe-it kind of guy. Plus I could go for some guy talk that _isn't_ Murphy,” he says light-heartedly.

“I'm sorry about that… Being so distant these last months.”

Monty nods, giving him an understanding smile. “It's okay, Bellamy, honestly.”

“I guess I never really took into consideration that you're grieving, too,” Bellamy admits.

Monty's breath hitches in his throat as he thinks about his best friend. The unspoken name ghosting their lips: _Jasper Jordan_.

“How are you with that?” he asks.

Monty shrugs, saying, “I've got Harper. I'm good. I miss him, every day, of course. But, surrounding yourself with people you love sure helps. I mean, we _are_ stuck here together for over more four years. We could use some friendship.”

Bellamy offers a small smile, thanking Monty for being a friend--a friend that he desperately needs.


	9. Day 259 (part three)

Hours pass and Monty ends up falling asleep against the window pane. Bellamy suppresses a snicker every time it sounds like Monty’s let out a light snore.

Bellamy’s just about to adjust the frequency on the radio when he hears the static, and his heart rate picks up.

“ _Hey, Bellamy_.” It’s Clarke. “ _Day 259, still no word from you. If I’ve been talking to myself this whole time… god, that’d be embarrassing_ ,” she plays off with a small chuckle.

“Monty,” Bellamy whispers. “Monty!” he says louder.

“Hmm, what?” he says groggily, jerking awake.

“ _It’s been a few months now, though. You’d think Raven would’ve figured out how to fix the radio_ ,” she says sarcastically.

“Clarke?” Monty breathes out.

“See!” Bellamy says excitedly. “I told you!”

“Oh my god!” Monty laughs. “Take this to the control room and I’ll get the others!”

Bellamy nods, running to the room with the happiest smile on his face in months.

* * *

Raven’s the first to arrive, clearly she’d run ahead of Monty and the others, as fast as her leg could carry her.

“She’s alive?” she asks hesitantly. Bellamy nods, turning up the volume on the radio.

“ _I miss you, guys. But, I suppose I’ll have to get used to that_.”

“You were serious?” Murphy says upon walking into the room and hearing Clarke’s voice.

“Of course I was, Murphy, please don't look so surprised,” Bellamy smirks.

Murphy raises his arms defensively, shaking his head with a small smile. “No, I'm sorry. It's just a little hard for me to imagine a girl surviving down there.”

“Well, this is _Clarke_ we’re talking about here,” Bellamy retorts.

Everyone gathers around the large table in the control room, listening to Clarke. The radio is hooked up to the speakers, so her voice was heard around the room.

She’s been down there by herself this whole time. She’s said that she hasn’t left the lab yet, but she plans to on the one year mark. She’s still got enough food to last her until then.

The good news: the nightblood worked. She’s immune to the radiation.

“ _Okay, I’m gonna get going now… I’ll try again tomorrow… bye_ ,” she ends, her voice going lower, and Bellamy immediately picks up that she’s sad.

_Of course she’s sad_ , he thinks. _She’s alone, and grasping at straws thinking someone can hear her. She doesn’t even know if we’re alive._

Everyone clears out, minus Raven and Bellamy. He sits in his chair, staring down at the radio in his hands as though he’s looking right at Clarke.

Raven moves to beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder, offering a reassuring smile. “I’ll see what I can do about fixing the output. Maybe I can figure out a way to get messages down to her.”

Bellamy nods, his eyes not leaving the radio. “Do you think she forgives me?” he whispers.

Raven’s brows furrow as she asks, “Forgives what?”

“Me leaving her.”

Raven lets out a soft sigh, saying, “You know it’s what she wanted. She told you to use your head over your heart, right?” Bellamy nods at this. “And you did. There’s nothing to forgive, Bellamy.”

He turns to her with a small smile, his expression thankful. She kisses the top of his head and goes to leave the room, but stops at the doorway.

“Get some sleep, please? I’m sure you’ve been up hours waiting.”

Bellamy nods, promising he’ll turn in soon. He looks back to the radio, turning it off, and muttering, “See you soon, Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bellamy and raven are such brotp, i love them so much.
> 
> also! thank you guys so much for reading, i did not think this many people would be interested, i'm honestly amazed. and as always, if you have any ideas or things you'd like to see, let me know in the comments and i'll try my best to incorporate :)


	10. Day 260

After Clarke’s finished her transmission, Murphy stays behind in the control room with Bellamy. At first, the eldest is suspicious, wondering what the other boy is up to.

He’s pleasantly surprised with the following words come out of John Murphy’s mouth: “Look, Bellamy, I'm sorry I was so hard on you about hearing Clarke. I should have taken you for your word.”

Bellamy gives a short nod. “It's okay, Murphy. I understand why you didn't.”

Murphy seems happy at this, and a little shocked to have gotten forgiveness so quickly. “So… we're cool?” he asks, hopefully.

Bellamy chuckles lightly, nodding again. “Yeah, we're cool.”

“Okay, good,” Murphy claps, a smile on his face. “And um, side note, if Emori asks if I apologized, say yes.”

“You got it, buddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i live for the redemption and infinite happiness of john murphy and if anyone has problem with that you are invited to fight me :)


	11. Day 309

“I'm going to go crazy,” Bellamy grumbled, flopping his head into his hands after another one of Clarke’s transmissions. “I can hear her. But she doesn't know I do.” He looks up at Raven, who gives him a sympathetic look. “What if she gives up on me?”

She looks at him with a determined expression, shaking her head. “She won't, Bellamy. She's one of the strongest women I know. She'll hold on until we get there.” She rests a reassuring hand on his, giving him a smile, not letting up until he returns with his own.

She does that often--make him smile. She seems to be one of the only things that can these days.


	12. Day 365

“ _It has officially been one year since you all left. One year since I’ve been down here all by myself_ ,” Clarke says, sighing into the mic. “ _Alright, like I’ve said, I’m going to go outside today. I’m running out of food, and I need to find_ something _. I’m sure all the animals and berry plants are dead, but I’ll try trekking to Becca’s bunker. There’s food there_.”

She babbles off about everything she does to prepare for the trip. Bellamy listens, happy to hear every word she offers. When she finishes the transmission, he sighs, holding the radio in his hands.

“Four more years, then I’m all yours, Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty so here are a bunch of short updates, days passing and such. but grab a tissue for the next one, it gets a little (a lot) angsty. then that's all i've got for tonight. thanks for reading :)


	13. Day 486

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! if you're looking for some quality bellarke inspired music, check out my friend's playlist on spotify! :)  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/anluoma-ca/playlist/6fK51mQLkuEYKSGxLrBwQo

The first couple months, everyone had gathered to hear Clarke's daily transmissions. Then slowly, they came less and less, until it was just Raven and Bellamy. Now it’s just Bellamy.

It wasn't that they didn't want to hear what she had to say. Eventually they felt as though they were intruding, because they didn't miss that every message began with addressing his name. Together they decided to leave Bellamy with Clarke. They don't mind. They know he needs to hear her voice more than they do. And they also know he'll keep them updated on anything important.

So every day, he sat in the control room, listening to her messages. Of course, it always bothers Bellamy not to be able to respond, but one day makes it harder than most.

She starts off clearing her throat, " _B_ \--" It cut off.

At first, Bellamy thinks something's happened to her, or the signal. Then she comes back.

There's a sniffle, then a small, broken voice is heard, " _Bellamy_..." She's crying.

His heart breaks at the sound.

" _I don't know how much longer I can do this. It's day 486. I have 1339 days,_ at least _, until you come home. And I... I'm_ so _lonely_."

Bellamy lets out a shaky breath, willing the tears not to fall. He holds the radio closer, holding onto every word.

There's another sniffle, and her voice waivers as she speaks, " _I miss you... so much, Bellamy_."

He can't help but let those few tears fall as he whispers into open air, "I miss you, too. More than you could possibly know."

Clarke clears her throat again, gaining strength in her words, trying to keep steady. " _But you'd want me to be strong. So that's what I'll do. Also, I, uh… I didn't get to say everything I wanted to before you left. So I'm staying alive, because I can't die without letting you know I... Well, I'll tell you when you get here_."

He realizes what she wants to say, and it nearly breaks him in half that he can't be there, holding her, saying those words back because he's felt them for a _long_ time. He can't pinpoint the exact moment. It was gradual. Then one day he realized he didn't want to do it alone, he didn't want to lead with anyone else.

There was that day after the whole Mount Weather ordeal, when he was surely prepared to tell her how he felt over a drink, or two, or ten. But instead, she said she couldn't walk back in those gates.

Of course he understood she was hurting, but he wanted to help her. He didn't want to lose her because when they had gotten down to Earth, it had been him and her side by side, whether they agreed with each other or not.

Bellamy felt so lost, wanting to tell her to stay, but ultimately knowing he couldn't do that to her. He weighed his options, deciding against it because he knew it wasn't a good idea to tell her then--not after everything that had happened, not after Finn, not when she was leaving.

Bellamy brings himself back to the present, focusing on Clarke's words once again.

" _And if I know you at all, which I'm sure I do, you feel guilty. Please don't. I cannot tell you how much this is not your fault._ I _chose this. I chose to stay so you all could live in space. None of you would've survived down here. It's not your fault... But if forgiveness is what you need, I'll give that to you_."

Bellamy gives out a soft chuckle, shaking his head at how well she _does_ know him, and how well she's remembered the same conversation on their day trip back at the beginning.

" _I have to go. I'll check in tomorrow. Bye, Bellamy. I'll see you soon_."

He nods softly, "Soon, Clarke."

Bellamy walks back to his bunk and collapsed onto it. He keeps the radio tucked under the cot like he does every night, for fear of missing a single word that's broadcasted.

He doesn't fight it when the tears fall again, crying himself to sleep as he thinks of her doing the same thing. That night, he dreams of Clarke. And for a moment, he's better... until he wakes up, feeling the void all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry about that. anyway! comments are always greatly appreciated, thanks for reading :)


	14. Day 572

She's standing in front of him.

“ _Clarke?_ ” he breathes out.

She’s right there. Less than ten feet away.

She’s smiling, wearing a white sundress in a white room.

Bellamy reaches out, and Clarke walks toward him.

"Took you long enough," she whispers, pulling him against her.

He can feel the warmth radiating off her. He stares at her in awe, forgetting how long it’s been since he’s felt so at peace.

She pushes stray hairs from the side of his face, gazing up at him with a look he's seen before. She smiles again, moving in and he's suddenly very aware of how close she is.

Then it all fades away and she's ripped from his arms, with her goes the rest of the light. And he's surrounded by black.

"CLARKE!" he shouts.

But it's no use, because somehow, he knows deep down that she's gone and he'll never hold her again. He drops to his knees, shutting his eyes, pulling at the roots of his hair as the darkness closes in around him.

“Come back to me,” he whispers to the void.

He feels as though he's being shaken, and when he opens his eyes, he's lying in his cot. Raven peers over him with a worried expression, and he clutches her forearm, grounding himself.

"Bellamy, it was just a nightmare,” she says softly, running a hand down the side of his face, ridding him of the tears escaped during sleep.

He sits up, and Raven silently drops beside him. He’s still holding her because he’s scared that if he lets go, she’ll slip away, too.

“You were dreaming about her again,” she says lowly, a soothing hand running up and down his back. “Same one?”

Bellamy nods, still staring at the ground. “Thanks for waking me,” he says, his voice hoarse. “I’m good now.”

She doesn’t move. She knows he’s not good. He hasn’t been for a while now--572 days to be exact. She rests her head on his shoulder; her way of saying she’s not going anywhere.

Bellamy needs her, he knows that. It’s hard enough without Clarke. Raven keeps him sane up here, keeps him present. Words can’t express how grateful he is to have Raven Reyes in his life.


	15. Day 625 - 2192

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it seemed a little pointless to make individual chapters for each of these days, so i decided to put them all together for my own convenience, honestly. so this chapter is longer than the other ones i've done. but whatever. enjoy :)

Day 625

“ _Remember how I told you I was going to get the Rover a couple weeks ago? Well, I got it… Only problem is it’s busted… Okay, that’s kind of a big problem. Especially because I’m no Raven Reyes when it comes to this kind of stuff. I’ll figure it out eventually though, right?_ ”

“I’m sure you will, Princess.”

“ _Yeah… I’ve got this._ ”

* * *

Day 630

“ _The Rover is up and running! God, Raven would be so proud._ ”

“I’ll be sure to tell her,” he says with a wide smile.

“ _Hope I remember how to drive,_ ” she mutters through the speaker. Bellamy lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head playfully.

* * *

Day 652

“ _Bellamy!_ ” Clarke exclaims. Bellamy sits up attentively. “ _I found someone. A real, live person. She only speaks Trig, but that’s okay. I’m a little rusty, but I’ll get back into it_.”

Bellamy smiles, leaning back in his chair, glad that Clarke has someone to talk to again.

“ _Her name is Madi. I think she’s about 9 or 10 years old. She reminds me of what I imagine a young Octavia to be like. You’d like her._ ”

“I already do,” he mutters.

* * *

Day 730

“ _Two years. Two years since you left._ ” Clarke clears her throat. “ _Um, I’m making progress with Madi. She seems interested in learning English. I don’t know how much of a teacher I’ll be, but… worth a shot._ ”

“You’ll do great,” he encourages.

* * *

Day 912

“ _We’re at two and a half years. Halfway there,_ ” she says through a chuckle. She seems nervous. “ _I, um… I miss you, Bellamy. A lot._ ”

“I miss you, too, Clarke,” he says heavily.

* * *

Day 1000

“ _Day one thousand. It’s a big number. Seems important, somehow… Anyway, um, Madi asked what you looked like the other day. And it, it kind of hit me that I can’t completely remember_ ,” she says, and Bellamy could hear her voice crack.

She pauses for a bit. Bellamy assumes it’s to catch her breath, steady for voice again.

“ _I, um--don’t laugh at me--but I drew you, to the best of my abilities, and that made it a little easier to remember. I think I did you justice, probably not those cheekbones though_.”

Bellamy chuckles, shaking his head.

“ _You better not be laughing. I’m sorry you have amazing cheekbones and I took notice. Hard not to,” she mutters softly. “Alright, done making a fool of myself. Kind of hope you can’t hear these._ ” There’s another pause, then, “ _I take that back… I'd hate if you didn’t hear me all this time_.”

* * *

Day 1095

“ _It’s been three years_ ,” she lets out a heavy sigh. “ _If I’ve lasted this long, I can do another two. Oh, Madi’s doing great. Her English is almost perfect. She’ll be fluently bilingual by the time you get here. I can’t wait for you to meet her_.”

“ _Is that him?_ ” A new voice. Bellamy assumes it’s Madi.

“ _Yeah, sweetheart, it is_.”

He hears something in Trig. It’s quiet for a little while, then he hears a small voice speaking slowly in English: “ _Hello, Bellamy. I am Madi_.”

“Hi, Madi,” Bellamy replies, a smile spreading across his face.

“ _You can keep talking_ ,” Clarke whispers in the background.

“ _Clarke has told me a lot about you. You mean a lot to her_.”

“She means a lot to me, too,” he whispers.

There’s another pause, then, “ _I am excited to meet you. Okay. Goodbye. See you soon_.”

“See you soon, Little Princess.”

* * *

Day 1460

“ _One more year!_ ” she exclaims. “ _I hope this one will go by faster, but I somehow know the universe won’t be so kind. That’s okay, though. It’ll be even better when you get here_.”

Bellamy could practically hear the smile behind her words.

“ _They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and well… I don’t think I could be any happier to have you back here_.”

“I can’t wait either.”

“ _When you do get here, I will never let you go again—I hope you know that_.”

Bellamy gives out a small smile. “Good, because neither will I, Princess.”

* * *

Day 1824

“ _Five years tomorrow… I get to see you soon_ ,” she says happily.

Bellamy sits in front of the radio with a longing expression. “I wish it could be tomorrow,” he says pointlessly.

* * *

Day 1825

“ _It’s officially been five years,_ ” she says excitedly. “ _I can’t wait to see you_.”

* * *

Day 1826

“ _Okay, maybe thinking you’d be back at exactly five years was a little optimistic. But a girl can dream. Come back soon… please_.”

* * *

Day 2000

“ _It’s been two thousand days and I’m getting pretty anxious. God, I wish you could answer these. I just need to know you’re okay. For all I know, you died years ago... No. I didn’t mean that. I can’t think like that… You’re fine, healthy, and ready to come down any day now… Any day now_.”

* * *

Day 2192

“ _Bellamy_ …”

He already knows she’s crying.

“ _It’s been six years. Where are you?_ ”

His heart is heavy at the sound of her voice. “Raven’s almost done. She’s almost got it,” he replies desperately, wishing harder than ever this was a functioning two way radio system.

“ _Clarke?_ ” That’s another voice, further away.

“ _Not now, Madi. I’ll be there in a minute._ ”

He can hear something that sounds like Trigedasleng in the background, then static.

It’s another minute or so before Clarke comes back on. “ _I need you. I miss you so much. I don’t know how much longer I can keep waiting. I wish I could hear you. I know we always said I was the head and you were the heart in our leadership, but it’s like… when you left, you took my heart with you. I know how corny that sounds, but if you could hear, I’m sure you’d understand_.”

“I do. I do understand.”

“ _Just come home_ ,” she says quickly, and that’s the end of the transmission.

“Soon, Clarke. Just a little longer, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me someone picked up on bell’s ‘little princess’ nickname, because i can already imagine bellamy and madi’s relationship and i can picture him calling her that and i love them a lot. oh, also, the next chapter is the last one, and i’m sure you’ll all love it :)


	16. Day 2199

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is y'all, the final chapter!!
> 
> *coming home by skylar grey starts playing*

“Bellamy!” Raven sings from down the hallway. She pops her head in his bunk with a smile. “Ready to go to the ground?”

He chuckles, grabbing the last of his things. “You have _no_ idea.”

“Oh, I think we do,” Murphy calls from around the corner, arriving at the doorway beside Raven. “ _'I can’t wait to see Clarke, I miss Clarke so much, I wuuuuv her’_ ,” he teases.

Raven stifles her laughter, smacking Murphy in the arm. “How about a little sensitivity, Murphy? At least you’ve had your girlfriend up here. Six years a long time without the love of your life,” she says, winking at Bellamy.

“What do you think, Raven?” Murphy asks, casually swinging his arms around the mechanic’s shoulders. “Think he’ll run up to her with a dramatic, slow motion kiss, or will he be too awkward and Clarke will inevitably make the first move?”

“Definitely Clarke making the first move,” announces Monty, showing up behind the two. “This poor boy is clueless around her,” he says with a smile, happily joining in on the fun.

Bellamy shakes his head, smiling to show he’s not taking any of this seriously. “Okay, okay. Let’s just get the hell out of here. Torment me later.”

“Oh, we plan to,” Murphy confirms with a smirk.

Bellamy walks with the radio at his side as they go to the launch deck. They all enter the rocket, anxious to get back to Earth. Everyone’s settling in their seats when Clarke’s voice comes on the radio.

“ _Bellamy, if you can hear me, if you’re alive, it’s been 2199 days since Priamfaya. I don’t know why I still do this every day. Maybe it’s my way of staying sane. Not forgetting who I am… who I was. It’s been safe for you to come down for over a year now. Why haven’t you?_ ”

Raven looks to Bellamy, squeezing his forearm lightly with a small nod.

“We’re coming now, Princess. See you soon.” Bellamy reluctantly turns off the radio, setting it down beside him.

“Get ready for take-off, people,” Raven calls out, a wide smile on her face.

“ _Preparing for launch_ ,” the automated voice sounds throughout the rocket.

After the launch, it takes about a minute to break through the atmosphere before the voice calls out the countdown to the ground.

_Landing in 10._

Even though Bellamy can’t hear her anymore, Clarke keeps talking into her radio.

“ _The bunker’s gone silent, too_.”

_9_

“ _We tried digging them out for a while, but…_ ”

_8_

“ _…there was too much rubble._ ”

_7_

“ _I haven’t made contact with them either._ ”

_6_

“ _Anyway, I still have hope_.”

_5_

“ _Tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green and you’ll find me_.”

_4_

“ _The rest of the planet--from what I’ve seen--basically sucks_.”

_3_

“ _So_ …”

_2_

“ _Never mind_.”

_1_

“ _I see you_.”

“ _Zero. Landing successful. Exit with caution. The exterior is above regular temperature_.”

Bellamy flings his seat beat off, ignoring Raven’s protests and warnings about the exterior. He jumps out of the rocket onto the ground, taking a moment to remove his helmet and breathe in real, clean, fresh air. He had forgotten how much he missed this air.

“Bellamy?”

His head swings around at the sound. _That voice_. The voice has kept him going and brought him here to the ground.

“Clarke,” he whispers.

She’s running toward him at full speed, and he doesn’t miss the parallel between this reunion and the one at Arkadia six years ago. But this time, he’s ready to catch her. And this time, he’s not letting go.

“Are you real?” she mutters into his shoulder. His arms wrap around her tighter in response. “Thank god. You’re here. You’re really here.”

“I’m here,” he whispers, nuzzling into her neck, reveling in the smell of her.

He finally pulls back, just to look at her. She’s different, obviously. Six years older than he’s last seen.

“You cut your hair,” he says intelligently.

She chuckles, lowering her head a second, realizing just how much she missed him. “Yeah, I did.”

“I heard you,” he says. At her furrowed brows, he continues, “Your transmissions. I heard them. Since day 258, I’ve heard every word.”

There’s a flash of relief across her face. “I knew it. Well, I didn’t _know_ it. But I always hoped you did.”

“Just conveniently forget the rest of your friends, that’s fine,” Murphy sassed, the others joining.

“Of course your first words on the ground after six years are sarcasm, Murphy,” Clarke says, walking over to him and pulling him into a hug. There’s a moment of surprise on his face before he smiles and wraps his arms around her, knowing he really did miss this girl.

“Good to see you, too, Clarke.”

She moves on to Raven, who holds her probably as tight as Bellamy did, missing the girl she’d call one of her best friends. “Glad to see you alive, Clarke,” she says as she pulls away. “Also, I _am_ proud of you for fixing the Rover on your own. I’d be glad to call you my apprentice.”

Clarke lets out a warm laugh, a sound they’d all missed deeply. “Thanks, Raven.” She takes her time hugging Monty, Harper, and Emori. She even gives Echo a handshake, thanking her for helping bringing back her friends safely.

“Clarke!” a high voice calls from the forest.

“Over here, Madi!” she replies.

A little girl about 13 years old comes up to the group from around the trees. She stands at Clarke’s side, notably nervous. Then her eyes see Bellamy and the girl leaps for his torso, holding him tightly. Clarke chuckles, happy to see Madi so excited to see them.

“You’re Bellamy,” the girl says, looking up at him.

“I am,” he smiles. “And you’re Madi. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Her eyes widen, and she says, “You heard us? On the radio?”

“I did. Thanks for keeping Clarke safe while we were gone, Little Princess,” he says, ruffling her hair lightly.

Madi nods her head and blushes at the nickname, knowing about what he used to call Clarke. Madi looks over to the rest of the group and tries guessing their names based on descriptions from Clarke. She gets every name right.

Clarke steps up to Bellamy’s side, grabbing his hand in her and nods her head pointedly to the trees. “Could we go talk?” she asks quietly.

Murphy notices this exchange and decides to step in before Bellamy undoubtedly embarrasses himself. “Go ahead. We’ve had him six years. That’s plenty. He’s all yours now,” he says with a salute, practically pushing them to walk away.

Raven and Monty try to hide their snickers, sharing knowing looks. _Six years is a long time without the love of your life_.

“Why did you--” Before he could get the sentence out, his back is to a tree and Clarke is flush against his body.

“I’ve waited six years to see you again,” she says lowly, her eyes a darker shade of blue. “ _Way_ too long.”

“I know. I’m sorry. There was something with the rocket that delayed us a year--”

“I missed you,” she says, and he’s realizing just how close her face is to his. Specifically, her lips, and he can’t help his eyes darting down to them.

His face softens as he nods slightly. “I missed you, too, Princess. More than you can know.”

“Oh, I can imagine,” she says through a chuckle.

He takes the moment to turn serious as he says, “On day 486, you said something…”

“I said a lot of things, Bellamy, over _many_ days.”

He chuckles, remembering how much his loves her ferocity. “You said there was something you wanted to say, something you didn’t get to say before I left.” Clarke nods, knowing exactly what it was, what she’s felt for years. “I want to you know that I feel the same,” he says confidently.

Her eyes widen by a fraction as she realizes what he’s saying.

“I love you, Clarke. I should’ve said it six years ago, I should’ve said it before then. I had so many opportunities, but I kept chickening out, worried about scaring you off--”

She cuts him off, locking her lips onto his. It’s better than either could have imagined, and they’d both imagined this moment many times.

She draws back slowly, opening her eyes and meeting a smiling Bellamy. “I love you, too.”

He leans forward, kissing her again. When he pulls back, he says, “You know, I had a whole speech planned.”

She shakes her head with a smirk, “Later.” She kisses him again. And again, and again.

Eventually, they knew they had to get back to the others.

“We will continue this,” Clarke says pointedly. Bellamy eagerly nods in agreement.

They join the others, who’ve all formed a circle on the grass, happily listening as to Madi tell stories of the last six years.

The conversation stops as everyone’s eyes trail down to the arrivals’ hands, laced together.

“So?” Murphy asks, widening his arms. At Clarke and Bellamy’s confused looks, he sighs. “Who kissed who first? We need to know. Bets were placed.”

The couple laugh softly, and Clarke notes sarcastically, “Classy as always, Murphy.”

Murphy waves a hand, smirking while he says, “Yeah, I knew you missed me, Griffin.”

The nine of them sit on the ground, sharing about their time on Earth and the Ark, respectively. Clarke and Bellamy sit side by side, and no one misses how they don’t separate, how they’re always touching in some way. It has been so long, that now, they can’t get enough of each other.

They don’t know what awaits them, but they know as long as they’re together, they can face anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, super corny, but i'm good with it, honestly. i just want to say thank you to all the readers, everyone who gave a kudos, bookmark, comment--thank you!! i would not have been able to continue this without the support. so thank you all very much :)


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